Uh… I’m a Writer? A Recap of the Yellow Co. Tour, Orange County Edition

Subhead: When Your Marriage is Great, but You Still Have Commitment Issues with your Hopes and Dreams
Sub-subhead: What the Sh*t Am I Doing?

Coming in hot from the Yellow Co. Tour in downtown Fullerton on April 7, 2018. Written under a sad grey sky in San Clemente, CA in a small one bedroom apartment with the washer running and my wife researching public speaking gigs in our squeaky recliner.

Revisiting the hot, smoggy armpit of central and northern Orange County is something my wife and I still do often for church, family and friends. We’ve jettisoned ourselves to the very edge of the OC to the quiet beach town of San Clemente — aka “Like Newport, but Quieter. Yeah, so Chill.” Our little bubble of marine layer paradise needed to be burst this morning, however, because the Yellow Co. Tour, Orange County Edition, was starting at 9:00 AM.

Being a bear dressed in human skin, I tend to be very protective of my Saturday morning routine (which consists of being left alone and doing household chores). So, I was less than enthused to roll myself out of bed, put on a decent set of clothes and drive (read: make my wife drive me) down to hot, muggy Fullerton for a 4+ hour social event with a bunch of nicely dressed women who I didn’t know and were definitely more successful than me.

After attending, however, I am so glad I didn’t decide stay in my hermit hole.

My wife, being a boss b*tch already by rocking a managerial role at work and — often — in her personal/family life, has been so excited about this event. I was, in all honesty, excited for her. We don’t have a lot of friends or connections with the same kind of drive to entrepreneurship she craves and this event sounded like the perfect way to connect with like-minded ladies.

Long story short, we spoke with 4 new humans in a group of over 50 (assumed) humans and at least 3 potted plants. Statistically: not great. Personally: STELLAR.

Slightly longer story: It was a really lovely experience. I am blown away by anyone who can speak publicly and not wilt like steamed cabbage (speaking from personal experience). Every speaker and panelist managed to be personable, funny and inspiring all at the same time — which sounds fluffy. I get it. I had that tiny, cynical chipmunk voice in the back of my head that wanted to call everything I was hearing bullcrap or concentrate it down to the privilege of whiteness and money. But the collective wasn’t full of women who were white and affluent, and every presenter had valuable information and an inspiring story to share. Share is the key word there. There was no guilt-tripping if someone didn’t have their own business or was just struggling to figure things out. Most of the entrepreneurs who spoke admitted they still didn’t have everything figured out.

“It’s around here that Megan would have written…a really amazing quote,” said Inspiring Speaker #4. “Because, like, she would have cared about writing a good recap if she had her ish together. And that’s really the best thing about taking control of your life. Impressing people by how much you give a sh*t.”

I will admit I did not feel in the same league as any of these women once hearing their stories.

A few frenzied thoughts may have been running through my head while listening to and talking to the other women there —

“What? You’re three years younger than me and you have your own business? It’s doing well and it’s not just some side thing you do for fun”

“You quit your job and followed your dreams and didn’t explode from anxiety or going against the status quo?”

“No…no, I’m still a corporate slug. Gotta push my eye stalks back in before someone notices…”

So many women said that they “used to be corporate,” and are now driving their own lives without being under the thumb of someone else. Everyone seemed so happy and excited about their lives — I just want a piece of that energy to get up in the morning on time.

Truth is, I like my job. It’s not bad at all compared to other folks’ situations. My wife, for example, deals with the stress of 5 people while maintaining a smile and staying trendy as heck. She barely has enough energy for a SIDE HUSTLE (vocab word for the day) but still manages to dedicate time to her bullet journal (aka Bujo. Aka Hipster Notebook Overlord). She’s an amazing artist and, to me, fit right in with the crowd we met today. But even she felt underwhelming because she’s not currently doing her best (according to her. I think she’s doing fabulously).

But, as Amy from Hoodzpah said (HA! I did remember something):

“If you wait only for moments when you’re inspired, you’ll never get anything done because you’re your own worst critic.” (Okay, it was a short quote and paraphrased, but I tried).

Lazy blogging aside — she’s right! For example, I’m going to publish this blog post on Medium 4 years after creating an account and doing NOTHING with it. And this blog post is crap. It doesn’t even say anything. I’m rambling. Like dayum fool.

But here it goes. This is my first step toward through myself out there. It’s going to be GREAT. It’s going to be MAGICAL.

I’m going to vomit.

Anyway, I guess I should wrap things up, huh? I titled this “Uh, I’m a Writer?” because that’s what I tell people when they ask me what I’m up to. It’s what I enjoyed when I was younger, it’s what I went to school for, and it’s what I’m supposed to be confident in. The Yellow. Co. did one magical thing for me — it confirmed what my wife, family and inner voice have been saying all this time — “Just f*cking do it.”

Just do it (TM). Just write. I’m 26 years old for goodness’ sake. UGH, NO, 26 — Yeah, let’s write. This is a weird decision to *suddenly* make, because I don’t write in my professional life anymore. After a couple marketing jobs for agencies and smaller companies, I’ve learned that I SUCK at writing marketing copy. People just look at it and go… “Huh?” and then we fight over saying “A” instead of “The” or “This” instead of “An” AND I…JUST DON’T…I DON’T CARE. That’s not why I write or what I want to write.

I want to write…well, I write crap like this.

I really want to write stories about magic, stories about strong women and stories that make people laugh — whether those are short stories, poems, novels matters less to me. I want my gift to the world (whether the world wants it or not) to be small, emotional, funny, magical moments that you don’t quite expect.

Why? ’cause… uh. I’m a writer.

PS. Nutrivenience catered at this event and OMGGGGGGGGG I would be vegan right this minute if my body hadn’t been conditioned to need cheese.

PSS. Vegan cashew chocolate pudding is BOMB and tastes like liquefied fudge brownies. That sounds super gross written down but the real life experience is much better, I assure you.

This piece was written by Megan Garner, an amateur writer, foodie and gamer currently working in sales and dreaming of Frosted Donettes. Married to a pretty flower named Jessamyn. We have two cats named Tonks and Minerva, because we are those gross, Harry-Potter-obsessed millenials you just can’t stand.

Also known as @ladysundae on Instagram.

Thanks for reading. Her squishy human soul appreciates it.